Within the Apple 18A

Chapter 18

It didn’t take long for Xander to find trouble again.

This city is insane.

Not even Gotham approached the level of crime and violence that Brockton Bay offered up as part of the normal daily grind of the city. He doubted that even some of the Arkham crime sprees could truly match up with the normal day and night here, though that might be pushing it a bit far.

Certainly, the Arkham inmates provided a certain level of class that Super Nazis couldn’t approach.

This time, though, it was the Nazis that caught his attention.

A wail of sirens could be heard as Xander flew quickly toward them, and he was able to make out the flashing lights as he got closer, dropping into formation above the racing police cars below, straining for a moment to figure out what the hell they were all worked up over.

There’s nothing down th… wait, what the hell was that?

Xander blinked as a light pole abruptly was wrenched clean out of the pavement and thrown into the plate glass window of a local storefront, all apparently of its own accord.

“An invisible… car chase? Ok, this is new,” He thought mildly as he dropped down below the rooftops while accelerating to move up past the cops, now focused on the ongoing rush of damage he could see as whatever it was smashed into parked cars, post boxes, light poles… whatever happened to be in the street, it seemed. “Good thing it’s so late.”

Well, let’s see what happens if I just… “Revelio!”

The spell lanced out and a brief flash like a lightbulb flaring just before burning out set spots across his eyes, but in the aftermath Xander blinked a few more times than was strictly necessary while he found himself staring at the ugliest heap of trash on…

One sec… four… five… six… seven… seven? Who the hell builds a monster big rig with seven wheels?

The massive vehicle moved like the batmobile on crack, for all that it was ugly as sin… and even uglier than the Joker’s usual taste in cars for that matter, taking turns like it was on rails and still somehow managing to hit everything within a football field or so like the driver was intentionally aiming for them. Xander shook his head and dropped down onto the rig, casually walking along the top of the box as he headed toward the cab.

A twang sound caused him to duck as a line of cable whistled past his head, making Xander duck as the rig whipped along under it, barely managing to keep it from taking his head off as he saw the heavy armored form of Armsmaster swing out of the shadows and land solidly on the rig just ahead of him.

“Magus.” Armsmaster barely spared him a glance as the hero began marching forward while Xander was now left to hurry along to catch up.

“Armsmaster,” He replied as he got even with the man.

“I presume you’re responsible for dropping Squealers cloak?” Armsmaster asked as they marched forward.

Xander just shrugged, “I have no idea who that is, but I did hit the invisible monster rig with a revelio spell, yes.”

“Revelio? Revealing?”

“More or less.”

“Useful.”

“More than you’d guess,” Xander said as they reached the end of the box and were staring down at the cab of the wildly evading truck.

Xander was impressed, he was holding his balance through liberal application of his flight harness. Armsmaster seemed to just automatically be shifting his balance in nearly impossible ways to compensate for the movement of the rig beneath their feet.

“So, which one is this again? You said Squealer, right? Sounds familiar but I can’t quite bring it to mind,” Xander admitted.

“Squealer is a tinker for the Merchants,” Armsmaster said as his Halberd unfolded automatically, deploying a pair of thick needles with electricity crackling between them like a jacobs ladder. He aimed the halberd down, over the cab, and fired it into the hood where a blue flash briefly cascading over the entire vehicle.

Xander shivered as the light passed over him, “Ooh, tickles.”

Armsmaster ignored him, instead planting the halberd and bracing as the big rig locked up and began to squeal against the road below. Xander simply lifted off and flew out ahead of it without changing position, coming to a rest a few dozen meters further along than the rig as he dropped casually to the street as the doors of the rig were kicked open as a large masked black man emerged.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, you cock gobbling cum swilling piece of…”

“Oh that’s enough of that,” Xander said without even thinking about it.

He was far from a prude, and certainly had no rules on language to speak of, but in less than thirty seconds the speaker had managed to exceed rules that Xander hadn’t even known he’d had.

The spell he launched on a whim was one developed for gradeschool teachers within the American Ministry back home, and it connected almost instantly, shocking the speaker into temporary silence.

“I can see what you call him Squealer,” Xander shouted over, looking up to where Armsmaster was getting his footing back. “That is the filthiest mouth I’ve heard since… well, Lobo was pretty bad actually, but this one manages to be worse.”

“Squealer? I’m not <bleeping> squealer you <bleep>!” The black man yelled before falling silent again, eyes widening. “Wait! What the <bleep> did you <bleeping> do to me you <Bleeping bleeper!?>”

Every second word from the man’s mouth quickly devolved into a loud, obnoxious, censorship beeping sound.

“As he was trying to say,” Armsmaster said dryly as he dropped from the cab to the hood, aiming his Halberd through the window. “That’s not Squealer, that’s Skidmark.”

“He named himself after a shitstain? Really?”

“Debatable, but that is one interpretation,” Armsmaster acknowledged as he gestured and the driver’s door opened to reveal a dirty looking, yet stacked, blonde woman who was carefully showing her hands. “This is Squealer.”

Xander opened his mouth to say something, then just stopped and closed it again.

“Yeah, I’m not touching that one. Don’t even want to know where she earned that nickname,” Xander said with a roll of his eyes.

“Fuck you, asshole! It’s cause I can squeal the tires on anything with wheels!”

“Sure it is, I totally believe you and I’m not trying to avoid being cancelled at all,” Xander held up his hands.

“Being what?”

“Oh, right, you don’t have that here yet. Never mind.”

Through the entire exchange, Skidmark was continually emitting censorship bleeps at a rate of four to one or better for every normal word he’d manage to get out.

“What did you do to him anyway?” Squealer asked, looking at Skidmark askance.

“Pottymouth spell,” Xander said with a shrug. “Teachers back home use it to deal with unruly kids, usually rednecks who spend the first eleven years of their lives being raised by the local wildlife, or something like that. I really didn’t pay much attention, honestly.”

A glowing set of lines came into being under Xander’s feet, layering quickly as he stared in perplexity before he felt a sudden surge of motion erupt around him as the world blurred. The street flashed past him before he realized that he was moving, not the street, and apparated just before he could hit a wall.

Landing back on the beginning of the line, Xander whooped as the world sped up even more, and he again apparated out and did it a third time.

This time, he broke the sound barrier and shattered windows just as Armsmaster clubbed Skidmark in the back of the knees and drove the man to the ground, disabling the glowing lines of force Xander was riding.

He slowed down quickly as a result.

“Awww…”

“Are you alright?” Armsmaster asked, pushing Skidmark’s face into the pavement.

“Peachy,” Xander said, coming to a stop. “Any chance you could let him up? I’d love to try that in the bay, the dude is a one man waterpark waiting to happen!”

“He’s under arrest,” Armsmaster growled, “As are you, Squealer. Surrender, or else.”

“Too bad.” Xander looked over the rather scantily clad blond, “So you do anything fun?”

“Not with you, weirdo.”

Xander shrugged, “That’s fair.”

*****